He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need dunkaroos back in my life.