we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?