you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.