This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.