First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.