My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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