I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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