she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
