she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
