On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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