How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
