you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
