She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A bitchslap is in order.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
