just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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