i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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