he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
