just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
