Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
