I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
