love makes seman taste better
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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