too bad you live with your parents still
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
