and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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