I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
