All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
