last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
