we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
