i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
