I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
