nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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