I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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