Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
