I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
