I want you more than these girls want KFC
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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