apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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