we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
only if we run a train.
done.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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