I wish i was in the wii world.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
