peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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