Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
