Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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