the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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