I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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