So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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