I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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