U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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