I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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