That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize