We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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