i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
