Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I should be sponsored by Trojan
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
