I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
