your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
