lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
