apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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