david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
