Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
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Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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