btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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