And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
