Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
