Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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