I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
