Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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