Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
