yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
