Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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