So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
