when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this just has baby written all over it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
