this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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