the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
