Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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