i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What a dumb baby whore.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
