She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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