if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize