She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
