You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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