Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
