Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
