After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
