Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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