This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
