you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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