Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
