it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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