in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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