I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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