So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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