Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Two words: nipple clamps
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