First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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