my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
