My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
